7-UP With A Cheree On Top
The object of Steve's ardour was one Cheree Palla, a name that at first suggests either a Haagen Dazs product or a shade of lavatory suite. Birmingham-born Cheree, whose career ambitions include 'Page Three girl' and the ubiquitous 'singer', has apparently banked ú30k for sharing her most intimate memories with that august journal, The Sun. It would appear from the resultant 'feature' that Ms. Palla's imagination is as vivid as her lipstick.
Are we seriously to believe that Steve, by most accounts a pleasant and unassuming chap, conceals beneath his rather gormless exterior a raging inferno of passion and lust, fuelled by an endless flow of testosterone? That the unathletic Steve, whose hours of practice at the snooker table can hardly be described as exercise, "could easily go all night" and reached the point of no return seven times before 5 a.m.? Presumably he then went for a five mile run, a session in the gym and a relaxing cross-Channel swim before breakfast!
Even harder to credit is Ms. Palla's assertion, apparently made in all seriousness, that Steve was bewitched by her resemblance to Pamela Anderson. Right! If Cheree bears (or should that be bares?) any likeness to Pamela, John Major is the spitting image of Hulk Hogan, Nana Mouskouri is frequently mistaken for Elizabeth Hurley and your humble correspondent is an enticing mix of Mel Gibson, the young Sean Connery and the late Steve McQueen! With all due respect to Cheree, the closest she will ever come to film stardom is via 'Fiesta Home Video' or 'Honey I Blew Everyone'.
Much more distressing than Steve's alleged fantasies (doing it on a car bonnet; dressing Ms. Palla in a black plastic mac ??!), or even his foolish infidelity, is the scheming way in which the little hussy entrapped him. Aided and abetted by her 'best friend' Chloe Flashman, another Pam non-look-alike who accompanied the ill-matched pair to an hotel with the aim of photographing them in flagrante delicto, the appalling Ms. Palla clearly considers tabloid exposure of her immoral and unsavoury activities to be both lucrative and desirable.
So, too, does Cheree's mother, Marie, who held court in a village pub in Devon to boast about her daughter's prize 'catch'. "I'm very proud of her", Marie is purported to have claimed. Indeed? What sort of mother applauds her daughter for sleeping with a married man on the occasion of their first meeting? Answer: one with the morals of a ten-dollar whore. It is not surprising to learn that the family members are known locally as the 'Birmingham Six' because they attract so much trouble.
Perhaps Cheree's deprived upbringing in Birmingham is responsible for her depraved attention-seeking now...with Marie as a role model, it is surprising that Steve wasn't asked for cash up front. In a telling snippet from the unsavoury tale, it is revealed that the initial meeting was indicative of what was to follow. Marie, Cheree and her 'Aunt Vera', staying briefly in Bristol, gatecrashed an exhibition match featuring Mr. Davis in the hope of finding free booze. Marie, a 'brassy blonde', then pretended to be Cheree's older sister. Presumably 'Aunt Vera' was by this stage pretending to be Marie. Were you to add in an escaped lunatic, you would have the plot of a black comedy by Joe Orton. You can see why Cheree is somewhat disturbed.
The whole sorry saga, however, is dispiriting not only because it will have hurt deeply Steve Davis's wife and family, and tarnished his image for the millions of little old ladies who previously adored him, but also because it epitomises the mentality (for want of a better word) of the kiss'n'tell publicity junkies who will debase themselves in any way if it means 'getting in the paper'.
If Cheree really thinks that her 'story' will launch her as the new Samantha Fox, she obviously lost her marbles as long ago as her cherry!
To judge from the pages of drivel masquerading as journalism on the subject of the forthcoming Panorama programme, one would suppose that the Princess of Wales had either threatened to kill the Queen Mum or confessed to being a hermaphrodite!
The usual illiterate windbags, otherwise known as 'Royal Watchers', are dragged out of their boudoirs to deliver meaningless opinions on a programme that they have not yet viewed! Psychologists and their slimy ilk commentate on the state of mind of a woman they have never met or spoken to, their analyses based on the 'body language' of the Princess as she steps out of a car!
Our 'future King', nibbling at birthday cake in Germany, is said to be 'furious' at his estranged wife's 'disloyalty' and her disgraceful breach of etiquette in not okaying it with H.M. The Queen first. The outrage! One can imagine courtiers at the Palace bending over forwards to deliver the bitchiest remark about Diana.
Yet, despite profound public unease, these same limp-wristed sycophants were simply bursting with pride and admiration when Charles made a calculated bid to regain public affection by appearing in a TV heart-to-heart with Jonathan Dimbleby. His admission of infidelity, which still shocked people despite being common knowledge for years, was trumpeted by the brown-nosers as an heroic act; a brave attempt to confront the truth; etc. All well and good, sweeties, but you can't have it both ways (although, on second thoughts, you probably can).
Let's hear her side of the story now that we've heard his!
Despite the worldwide condemnation heaped upon the barbaric military regime in Nigeria for killing a number of civilians opposed to the authorities, including the focus of many of the protests, Ken Saro-Wiwa, Shell is to plough ahead with a ú2+ billion investment programme. Worthy pledges to enrich local communities and prevent all the profits ending up in the fat palms of bent officials are impossible to believe - an entrenched way of life cannot change overnight.
Conditions in Nigeria, a former British colony, are desperate and disgraceful. The country's infrastructure is on the verge of collapse; a whole area, Ogoniland, has been more or less devastated by the extraction process; and corruption is endemic at every level of society. The populace as a whole is bitterly impoverished, while the vicious few grow rich beyond the dreams of avarice. By blithely pressing ahead with its plans, Shell is saying "We don't care what you do, or how many dissenters you bump off, as long as we can keep pumping the oil!"
It is incumbent on every individual and organisation, Shell included, to teach the tyrants that oppression and murder will not go unpunished! Pull out of the deal NOW!
Nominations for æ***t of the WeekÆ to: WASP@londonmall.co.uk
In our search for the vanished stars of yesteryear, we pose this crucial question:
Whatever happened to sexy chanteuse Nana Mouskouri?
Last week's most plausible suggestion, relating to the disappearance of Orville The Duck: "Why, he flew up-to-the-sky, of course...".
Suggestions to: WASP@londonmall.co.uk
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